“His name is too common for me to do a search.”
This was the response I got from the Court Appointed Intermediary(C/I) I hired to find my biological father. Since I have no information on my biological father my only recourse was to hire a C/I who is appointed by the court to go into my file and find out the name of my father and then search for him.
She was willing to take a partial payment initially to get started, so I sent out $150.00 of the $250.00 fee. It took about 5 weeks for my C/I to be assigned and once assigned she called me to let me know she would be getting into MY file and would get back with me in a few days to let me know what she found. A few days turned in to a week and the desire to know something forced my finger to punch in her number in to my phone.
“I was just going to call you,” was her response. I’ve always had great timing and I was sure this was just another example of the collision between my impeccable timing and my power to controll coincidence.
In our 5 minute conversation she advised, “His name is too common for me to do a search.” My initial automatic response was, “OK, I understand.” She asked me to think about if I wanted her to continue or just return my $150.00. She explained that the name that is attached to my father and the limited information on him in my file would make her search very difficult. She continued to explain that it was her opinion that this limited information would yield a dead end.
“Think it over for a few days and I will call you next week to see what you want me to do.”
I agreed to think it over and while I was thinking logic crept in. I knew she had a name; a name that she was not allowed to share with me, and an approximate age. The frustration attached to the understanding that this stranger knew my father’s name and I couldn’t still gnaws at my sensitive nerves but I am aware of the unjust rules in this insane game so I push on. Logic tells me with a name, an approximate age, and that fact that he has lived in the Detroit area, that there is a place to start the search. The internet has made something impossible possible and I know enough to know with the right access to the right search data bases, although it would be hard, this search is possible. It may mean calling several people with the same name and asking them if they or a relative ever worked at the Chevy Bumper plant in Livonia Michigan in the late ’60′s, but it is a start. It would not be easy, but it is possible.
Since it is MY search, to me it is VERY possible. The difference comes down to desire and time. My desire to find my father and the time I would put into it far outweighs someone who has a mountain-high stack of files full of people to find. I would be willing to call and search and locate name after name knowing each call could be the last one. The C/I isn’t invested in this like I am and I can’t say I blame her. Her time is better spent on a case whose probability is higher than possible.
After two weeks and no return call, I called my C/I. “I was just going to call you.”
Impeccable!
I advised I would like my money returned. I came to the realization that no matter what I said, this was a dead end to her so there really wasn’t a decision for me to make. I could request she do more but the probability that she would do more was less than possible.
She agreed to return my money and explained I had the option to hire another C/I or petition the court to release my father’s information to me since I tired it the court’s way and had no success. Again, really not much of a decision.
Last week, I called Wayne County Probate Court/Adoption Search Division and requested the paper work. When it arrives I will fill out the request and pay $20.00 to file the petition. Soon after that, I will be given a court date to go in front of a judge and plead for them to give me what is mine. I’m excited to finally be able to look in to the eyes of someone and see how they can rationalize and justify keeping my records locked away from me.
The opportunity to be heard about this unjust process makes me excited. It has been 44 years and finally I get to state my case. My case is simple; give me my father’s name and let me lift up, turn over, and displace every rock in my way to find him or his family. I only ask the courts return to me what is mine so I can begin to fill in and repair the foundational crack created so many years ago.
I don’t know how anyone could ever rationalize keeping someone’s history away from them like a secret… I never knew that most states still don’t allow adoptees to see their own personal file before I began the adoption process. Fortunately, I live in a state that does allow an adoptee to access their file. Do you know how many states allow this and if others states are close to allowing this access too? Just curious. I wish you the best of luck in stating your case. As eloquently as you write–I’m sure your case will be very compelling (not to mention–that the judge would have to be a cold-hearted idiot to not see that you are only asking for what is rightlyfully yours to begin with!)
Jr,
Great Question! According to the article I link to below there are only 8 states that are open or semi-open states for adoptees. Wow! I knew it was bad but I didn’t think it was THAT bad!
This was written before Illinois was changed so it is at least 9 now.
The open states are: Alabama, Alaska, Delaware, Kansas, Maine, New Hampshire, Oregon, Tenessee, and Illinois.
http://www.campaign4openrecords.org/records-access.html
I absolutely agree with your logic, and you are making the right move. No one cares about this more than you do, therefore you are the best person to be conducting this search. Not only that, you can pray for discernment and wisdom from God while you are doing it. You are intimately familiar with your case and will ask the right questions while following leads.
You will be a fantastic spokesperson for yourself and all other adoptees when you go before the judge. I’m praying for favor. Keep us posted.
How anybody can’t see the wrong in this is beyond me! That a stranger is sitting there, holding and reading YOUR information, yet you are denied access to it!! You. An adult. Gahhhhh…
Good luck with your search. We MUST change things so that adoptees have the right to THEIR information!!
Oh Kevin, I hope and pray that you find him and/or his family. Best of luck to you!
This just frustrates me to no end, and just makes me glad, once again, that we have open relationships with our children’s first parents!
You have a voice and I’m so glad you’re using it. If there’s any way we can help in the process, please let us know! (Maybe the judge needs to be inundated with letters of support from your followers! Just a thought!)
Kevin-
My wife and I had chosen an open adoption, but my daughter’s birthmom did not. I am not sure if she filed anything stating she actually wanted confidentiality, since my child is not yet 18.
I think my daughter would benefit from this contact if we could reach out to her birthmother. I have read the Michigan statute. What is not clear in the law is if a C.I. could be used for an adoptee under the age of 18.
Thoughts?
According to a C/I friend of mine he thinks you can petition as adoptive parents on behalf of your minor child but he wasn’t sure.
Thanks Kevin. The way the law is written it is almost as if the CI law was created only for pre-1980ish adoption prior to the reforms that happened after that date.
Good Luck Kevin! I know you haven’t made any of these decisions lightly. I’m hoping and praying that you get a court date REALLY SOON so you can get your father’s name. It is appalling to me, too, to learn that you can’t get your biological father’s name. I thought records were made available upon adulthood. Hang in there and forge ahead!!!
Kevin,
Just a couple of ideas to mull on whether or not you wish to argue them to the judge.
1. It is highly doubtful that your father signed the surrender petition. Back then the father had no rights or was even asked. My fathers name was on my adoption study but neither my mothers surrender petition or my parents adoption petition mentioned him and noted him as unknown…even though it was in the adoption study in the court records. Apprently you don’t need the truth in adoption paperwork. If that is the case there is no “presumed” confidentiality argument for the judge to use against you if he was not party to surrendering you. (even though there is no confidentiality promise in the the surrender petitions which has been a Professor has written a paper on – she collected dozens of surrender papers from our era). That paper might be good to take with you as well?
2. You and your children are being denied personalized medical care. The NJ Med Assoc? argued this point for the adoptee rights cause in the fight to overturn the laws that denied them access to their OBC’s. I am not sure if the recording will still be available but it was from last year / NJ legislature. His point is that with all the knowledge of hereditary diseases and how valuable the knowledge is patients with family health history can be provided with personalized care. Hope that made sense. If you want me to try to find the testimony let me know.
Kevin,
Oh, my heart aches and my blood boils as I read this post. Keep the faith, don’t give up and stay true to yourself. Lean on your family, ask for help and pray. It is so wrong that others have control over this private, personal information that is yours. I pray that judge can use his or her authority to make a difference for you.
Karen
So frustrating. I wish you had been appointed a CI with a little more compassion. I hope it goes better in court. How can we fix the system so this doesn’t keep happening? I wish I knew.
I wish you all the best in your search, Kevin. We spent 2 years of many late nights on the internet and thousands of dollars in investigators trying to find out our son’s history. His adoption was international and the agency just flat out refused to give us any information on his birth family or history. And the area where he is from does not even have written records, making it harder.
Long (and complicated) story short, we finally DID find his birth family members and have some contact with them. We have pictures. We have answers to questions. And we found out he also has a biological sibling also adopted by an American family! It has been a miracle. I tell you all this to encourage you to not give up on your miracle. I’ll be praying for your petition and for the judge!
Wow Kevin. What a story. I cannot believe that you are denied access to your father’s information. My mother is right now trying (and failing) to find her birth son, placed for adoption in 1960. She is facing equal challenges. It is very unfair.
I understand what you’re going through, although our situations are different. I’ve been trying to find my father with limited information (name on birth certificate and I know he lived in NYC and Chicago) and can feel the frustration in your writing. I’m blown away at the limited amount of assistance sons and daughters are given in the search for their biological fathers and mothers. It seems obvious that it’s a basic right to know where you came from. The system is essentially broken. Best of luck mate. Keep trying and you’ll get there on your own merit.
I know your frustration. I found my birth mother in 1993 only because the nurse who arranged the adoption was a friend of my adoptive mother. When my adoptive mom died I discovered I was adopted. I remember being told that this nurse helped deliver me. I went to see her and she remembered where my birthmother stayed but nothing else. It was long amounts of detective work before the internet existed, but I was blessed to finally find her. My birth father declined to have contact but I have done genealogy work on his family secretly. The state refused to give me any info other than basic info and it was little help. My advice is to not to give up, but also don’t get so emotionally involved that you ruin the life you do have. You can easily get sucked into an emotional maelstrom. Good luck.