Sitting in the middle of my adopted living room, in front of my adopted wood burning stove, I sat with my legs under my adopted coffee table. I was using my adopted coffee table as my adopted workbench as I constructed a motorized windmill with my adopted Erector set. As my left hand held the tiny adopted wrench, my right hand held the adopted nut in place as I patiently tightened it. When the last nut was tightened, I stood back and marveled at what I had constructed and was pleased with myself and my adopted accomplishment.
The fact that everything in the story above was adopted takes away from the peace and joy of the scene. I makes the flow of the story stall and awkward.
Growing up rarely did I think about being adopted. I thought about my birth mother once in a while but I never was so consumed with being adopted that it interrupted my life as a child who loved to build things.
I would sit for hours with that Erector set and I would be consumed with creating. Now I know as a creative person, I have this overwhelming need to create and it needs to be released or I risk the potential of exploding as the powerful creative energy looks for a way to escape. Building model airplanes and things with my erector set was a great way to allow that energy to ooze out.
While I was deep in thought trying to figure out how the wing fastened to the fuselage never once did I weigh the ramifications of what it meant to be adopted.
Once my parents took me home from my foster mother’s house, the post adoption care stopped. There was never any follow-up or support. My parents didn’t have support groups on the internet to help guide them through the issues they faced and that wasn’t all bad.
I love the support groups that adoptive families have today. The fact that you can ask a question about an issue and get an immediate response from someone else who has been through what you are presently going through is wonderful.
Sometimes I wonder if too much information causes people to be so consumed by adoption issues and the potential issues that they lose sleep. I wonder if some lye awake at night concerned with what may happen because of something they read on the internet.
I was on a panel last week with another adoptee who happens to be a social worker. It was all done via the telephone and we had four potential adoptive parents asking us questions. One parent asked a question and the response from my fellow adoptee was brilliant. Her advice to the parent was, when an issue comes up you have to ask yourself is this an adoption issue or a parenting issue. That sunk deep in to my bones, like she had put it on a branding iron and burned it into me.
Once you distinguish what kind of an issue it is, the solution becomes so much easier to find. Right then a loud clicking sound went off in my head. Sometimes it appears adoptive parents are so consumed by adoption that is makes the simple so complex.
Sitting at that table with my Erector set piecing things together, I was thinking about how to get up the nerve to talk to Nikki the cute girl I liked in school and adoption had nothing to do with it.
All those in the Toledo Area: I will be speaking at the Lucas County Library, Sanger Branch 3030 Central Avenue on April 24th at 10:30am. The topic is: Developing Racial Identity and it will be sponsored by Families with Children from China- Toledo Chapter(FCC) and is FREE.
Come join in the discussion.
Please RSVP Luanne@ firstname.lastname@example.org if interested.