As I placed my finger on the “send” button, the verse from the book of Psalm flashed through across my mind, “the steps of the righteous are ordered by God,” and then calmly I pressed the send button.
The pressing of the send button finalized the text portion of my book, Growing Up Black in White. It was the final big transaction between me and the publisher. Now they will proceed to print up the book and soon I will hold the book that details my life.
I look back on the two years it took to write my memoirs and must admit everything was “ORDERED.”
Initially, I started out writing a book that was about the strange and unusual life that I have lived as a transracial adoptee. It was written to everyone and no one and just told story after story about growing up in Detroit. For those of us who lived it, this was a great ride through memory land. For those who didn’t, I can admit now, it wouldn’t have been so interesting. But pride said forge forward when I didn’t have much there.
ORDERED
Late last spring, we began attending a new church and soon after I found a woman who was a writing coach in our new church. Before this point, I didn’t know what a writing coach was. She offered an online writing course which I signed up for immediately and in it I learned that I needed to start marketing my skills as a writer. On her suggestion I started a blog to showcase my writing skills and began looking for ways to market the unfinished book. In my search for venues to market to I found about an international adoption group who was having their annual conference in Ohio. Of all the places in North America to hold this conference it was two and half hours away from me: within driving distance.
ORDERED
I contacted NACAC(North American Council on Adoptable Children) in late June to see about being a part of the conference. The conference was in August. They still had room but the cost of the conference was out of my budget. It was a great opportunity I couldn’t afford to attend. Then I received an email from someone connected with the conference asking if I had ever been in foster care. I had spent the first three months of my life in foster care was my reply. An email came back stating that I had qualified for a full scholarship to the conference and I could bring my wife; FREE.
ORDERED
In August 2009, I sat at the NACAC conference hoping to generate buzz about my book and instead learned more about myself and my adoption than I ever had. Each day I got more answers to more questions I didn’t even know I was asking. The understanding of adoption on a deeper level rushed to me over those three days. In the many sessions my wife and I attended, whenever I made a comment, as an adoptee, I felt like E. F. Hutton. Whenever I would speak, the parents and professionals who were so interested in hearing what an adoptee had to say, would all pause. I kept looking over my shoulder to see what was so captivating. Then in one session it just clicked. We were discussing the many issues the adoption triad deals with and I recall many asking, “How does the adoptee deals with rejection, grief and loss etc.,” and signals went off in my head. The crossing rails came down, the whistles blew and the lights flashed. I sat in my chair and my inner-self was screaming, “Why don’t we just ask the adoptees.” At that moment, the conference stopped being a marketing trip and became a calling.
ORDERED
I returned home excited about finishing my book and giving a voice to the adoptee, but it meant,my book that was ¾ of the way complete, would have to change. It had to be more about the adoptive experience and less about childhood stories. I had to rewrite and refocus and dedicate more time I did not have. At the time, I was working from home but my job was really getting in the way of my writing and I would say that over and over. Later that month I got a call from my manager, they were eliminating my job. Problem solved!
ORDERED
The book wrote itself as I became refocused with extra time. On top of writing, I was also searching for my birth mother and once I found her and other birth relatives, that process drilled deep into emotions I didn’t know I had. Digging for those answers tapped in to an emotional reserve I didn’t know I had and it changed the way I wrote. I now had a deeper well to draw from and it showed; more emotions less childhood stories.
ORDERED
My next step was to find an editor to tighten up my loose ends. My writing coach “just happened” to also be an editor. I also found out she grew up with a transracial foster brother who reminded her of me, and she was an adoptive mother of a little girl from Russia. Her grammatical corrections and adoptive mother’s eye would be priceless.
ORDERED
On December 31, 2009 at 11:59pm ,I finished the second draft of the book and in January I sent it to my writing coach to edit. Soon I got an email back that said each chapter should have a lesson. Each chapter should have a “take away.” This would mean rewriting the book again! My pride bowed to the one who had more experience and I did as she suggested and it GREATLY altered the book, AGAIN! Now the book that started out as a collection of funny childhood stories, turned adoption stories, transformed in to a conversation between me and the transracial moms that are going through what I lived. Each chapter had a “take away, and the book now had substance. It became lean, mean and with a purpose. This meant I had to not only tell the stories but dive deeper into my reactions and feelings about situations; something I was more equipped to do NOW because of what I had been exposed to during the sessions at NACAC.
ORDERED
The book is now a few weeks from being in my hands and God saw this coming before I was born. I now know why whenever I attend an event where someone is speaking, I spend most of my time wishing I was speaking and dissecting what is said and how it could be said better. In an environment where many people would feel so uncomfortable, speaking publically, I find comfort. Sharing my personal experiences has always been easy but now I realize so many struggle with this too. The amazing gift I have been given to be able to write and tell a story rounds out the bundle of God-given gifts I have received to do what has been ordered.
ORDERED ORDERED ORDERED
I finally realize and accept; I have taken not one step on my own and can’t wait to see where my next steps lands.
Thank you for all that you write, as an adoptive mom to a little girl from Haiti I really respect reading your thoughts and lessons. Please let us know when your book is available for sale!
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Hey Kevin,
I absolutely LOVE reading your blog weekly! God is in control for sure. What an awesome testimony… 😀
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Standing at salute. Sending you my highest respect.
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I hope one of your next steps brings you close to Indy so William and I can come meet you and you can sign William’s copy of your book!
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I had the great pleasure of hearing you at the conference. I have been attending NACAC conferences since I began the adoption journey back in the 90’s. I look forward to your book as my son is trans-racially adopted from Haiti. Thank you for sharing your thoughts through your blog.
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Bravo! The story of your writing is very similar to mine. After working on my book for 2 years, I found a writing coach. We met for the first time on Tuesday and I am on fire with creative energy and absolute focus now. I am so happy for you and look forward to reading your book!
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Kevin, it is amazing to read just a bit of the journey God has taken you on in such a short time — a journey that was planned a long time before you even knew it! Our adoption group cannot wait to read your book, and we can’t wait until the day you have time to jet over to Phoenix and speak to us from your heart. It will be such a blessing! Please keep in touch and let us know if/when you would be able to do that. 🙂
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“Order my steps” – I love that hymn!
Yea for you! Can’t wait to hold the book too. I always admire people who have the courage and faith to follow their calling. A favorite quote: “We have to be willing to give up the life we had planned in order to have the life that is waiting for us”. You are an example of willingness! Thank you.
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I can’t wait to ORDER your book! I thoroughly enjoy your writing. Your blog has been very helpful to me as an adoptive parent. Thank you so much.
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Kevin, thanks for hanging out with us at support group. Your great! Can’t wait to learn more about u. I love your blog! Check mine out at www. everyonehasastory2@blogspot.com
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Consider at least one copy ORDERED.
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I am the Caucasian father of two African-American children. I look forward to ordering your book. I frequently gather with several adoptive families here in mid Michigan to discuss our families and provide playtime for our kids. I have already shared the news on your upcoming book, so you should expect a few takers from us.
Bob Burns
E. Lansing, MI
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Congratulations! We are sharing our blog and wisdom with other adopting. God does not waste a hurt, nor overlook a small detail. Our steps are ordered to do his perfect plan. May God continue to bless you!
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I do look forward to reading your book! It sounds like it will be helpful and interesting as well. I’m so glad I’ve found your blog (saw you mention in on the yahoo group AAdomesticadoption)!
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