“His name is too common for me to do a search.”
This was the response I got from the Court Appointed Intermediary(C/I) I hired to find my biological father. Since I have no information on my biological father my only recourse was to hire a C/I who is appointed by the court to go into my file and find out the name of my father and then search for him.
She was willing to take a partial payment initially to get started, so I sent out $150.00 of the $250.00 fee. It took about 5 weeks for my C/I to be assigned and once assigned she called me to let me know she would be getting into MY file and would get back with me in a few days to let me know what she found. A few days turned in to a week and the desire to know something forced my finger to punch in her number in to my phone.
“I was just going to call you,” was her response. I’ve always had great timing and I was sure this was just another example of the collision between my impeccable timing and my power to controll coincidence.
In our 5 minute conversation she advised, “His name is too common for me to do a search.” My initial automatic response was, “OK, I understand.” She asked me to think about if I wanted her to continue or just return my $150.00. She explained that the name that is attached to my father and the limited information on him in my file would make her search very difficult. She continued to explain that it was her opinion that this limited information would yield a dead end.
“Think it over for a few days and I will call you next week to see what you want me to do.”
I agreed to think it over and while I was thinking logic crept in. I knew she had a name; a name that she was not allowed to share with me, and an approximate age. The frustration attached to the understanding that this stranger knew my father’s name and I couldn’t still gnaws at my sensitive nerves but I am aware of the unjust rules in this insane game so I push on. Logic tells me with a name, an approximate age, and that fact that he has lived in the Detroit area, that there is a place to start the search. The internet has made something impossible possible and I know enough to know with the right access to the right search data bases, although it would be hard, this search is possible. It may mean calling several people with the same name and asking them if they or a relative ever worked at the Chevy Bumper plant in Livonia Michigan in the late ’60’s, but it is a start. It would not be easy, but it is possible.
Since it is MY search, to me it is VERY possible. The difference comes down to desire and time. My desire to find my father and the time I would put into it far outweighs someone who has a mountain-high stack of files full of people to find. I would be willing to call and search and locate name after name knowing each call could be the last one. The C/I isn’t invested in this like I am and I can’t say I blame her. Her time is better spent on a case whose probability is higher than possible.
After two weeks and no return call, I called my C/I. “I was just going to call you.”
I advised I would like my money returned. I came to the realization that no matter what I said, this was a dead end to her so there really wasn’t a decision for me to make. I could request she do more but the probability that she would do more was less than possible.
She agreed to return my money and explained I had the option to hire another C/I or petition the court to release my father’s information to me since I tired it the court’s way and had no success. Again, really not much of a decision.
Last week, I called Wayne County Probate Court/Adoption Search Division and requested the paper work. When it arrives I will fill out the request and pay $20.00 to file the petition. Soon after that, I will be given a court date to go in front of a judge and plead for them to give me what is mine. I’m excited to finally be able to look in to the eyes of someone and see how they can rationalize and justify keeping my records locked away from me.
The opportunity to be heard about this unjust process makes me excited. It has been 44 years and finally I get to state my case. My case is simple; give me my father’s name and let me lift up, turn over, and displace every rock in my way to find him or his family. I only ask the courts return to me what is mine so I can begin to fill in and repair the foundational crack created so many years ago.