In my last blog I spoke of the issues I had with my reunion with my biological family and I received several messages from people asking if there were things that could have been done to help create a better outcome. Below are 5 ways to help adoptees with the search and reunion and beyond.
1) Plant the seeds of connection early. As the children are growing up talk about their biological family in a positive way. This helps establish a positive emotional connection PRIOR to the reunion.
2) Prepare them. Talk about the possible outcomes of the search. Help them to prepare for all possible outcomes.
3) Create a map. Ask your children how they want the relationship to look AFTER the reunion. Create a plan that coincides with their vision.
4) Give them space to exhale. Often the energy involved in the search leaves the adoptee burned out. Give them space to just sit and be still with the new information they uncover along the way and/or after the reunion.
5) Give them the wheel & the brake. Let them know they are in control with the pace of how things develop; they can coast, speed up or stop at any time and that is alright. Be mindful it is THEIR search.