My mother made the decision to have me aborted.
She borrowed the money and she was on her way to an abortion clinic. She left her home in the suburbs of Detroit to take the 90 minute drive to Flint to have me terminated.
That decision rings in my head and the “what-if” scenarios play on a looped reel.
I found this out 2 years ago and I wondered why she changed her mind. As I was wondering about my situation I came across this statistic:
“40% of all abortions occur in the black community.”
I then began to wonder about the lives that could have been. Why is this number so high? Why didn’t I know it was such a high number?
Because we don’t talk about it.
About this time, someone asked me why those in the black community don’t adopt. I tried to explain that a lot of kinship adoptions occur without the paperwork so some of those statistics are flawed. But the rate at which those in the black community adopt isn’t where it should be. I can’t ignore that fact.
All these thoughts and stats were bumping in to each other in my head and I wondered if there was a way to unite them to create a change.
So I began to wonder; If the abortion rate is disproportionately high and the adoption rate is disproportionately low there should be a way to encourage and educate from these numbers. My hope is that there would be a way to use the stats to cancel each other out.
The education and awareness would come in the conversations we don’t have.
So how do we start the conversations?
I am the result of an aborted abortion.
Could I use this story to show others there is another way out?
How could I do that in a powerful way?
What if I created a film that shows my mother, her decision to have an abortion, and her decision not to have an abortion? If I can keep the film to 3 minutes, then it could become this powerful tool to start the conversations we are not having. It becomes a tool that I can place in someone’s hands that gives them an alternative. It becomes a tool I can use not just for the black community but for everyone who may be faced with a tough decision with only one way out.
I hope you will join me in this mission and help me raise the funds to make this mission a reality. I have designed the project through Kick Starter (click here to see the project) and my hope is you will join me to change lives. Share this with everyone you know and let’s partner to not only change lives but save some as well.
An important factor to recognize is that the number of abortions among black women is high because black women are more likely to experience unintended pregnancies that other women – in fact the unintended pregnant rate among black women is twice the rate for white women. This is caused by lack of access to family planning & lack of good sex education. So it’s not that black women are more likely to choose abortion, they’re more likely to have to make a decision about an unintended pregnancy.
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Kate,
I couldn’t agree more. This is due to a whole lot of factors. It comes down to education and it is my goal to help in some way. This is my way to education on the option of adoption.
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Why are you going for adoption rather than try to find a way that these women can parent? Everybody thinks they’re scared to parent when the child is still just an idea (and even if you’re pregnant, it’s still just an idea *from your point of view*… you haven’t “met” the baby yet). These women think it’s the end of the world because their lives are already a mess. I’m not being judgmental, I’ve actually been there. So what are YOU personally doing to reassure them that even if they’re in a mess now it doesn’t mean they won’t get out of the mess? The world is not suffering from a shortage of adoption, believe me. It is no woman’s job to make babies for other people. SHE is the one reproducing. That is HER family.
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This conversation is interesting to me. Some are so anxious to state why what I am doing or saying is wrong. Never in this blog have I said this is the only solution. This is the solution I am called to speak on because this is from MY OWN PERSONAL EXPERIENCE. I am not trying to solve the problems of the world in this project. I am committed to staying in my lane. I am simply stating adoption is an option. I have never said mother’s should not keep their children. I am not preaching an all or nothing solution. I am simply stating it is one viable solution.
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Very good point Kate. I am a big advocate of family planning. I am pro-choice, but I don’t like abortion. I believe in doing everything possible to prevent abortion. That means starting at the beginning. We as a society must work much harder to promote sex education and birth control; that would help prevent a woman from even considering an abortion.
There is something that many people including those in the adoption triad don’t like to talk about. They don’t like to talk about the fact that the main reason adoption occurs is the biological family had an unplanned pregnancy and/or is not prepared to raise a child. In addition to sex education and birth control, our society needs to do a much better job of educating people about how to be good parents. A parenting class should be required in middle school or high school.
Kevin, i think your project is a good idea. However, i also hope that you would consider helping to prevent the unplanned pregnancies in the first place which would prevent a woman from even considering abortion.
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Just trying to do my part in my lane.
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Even pregnancies wanted before the fact cannot be planned down to the last possible second. Nature happens in her own time. Most people who have unplanned pregnancies want to keep them. Women relinquish for adoption because we have crappy supports in this country for disadvantaged women to parent and because women are punished on a socio-economic level for becoming mothers. You can’t just shame someone for considering abortion, chase them down with the adoption industry hounds and then go, “Oh, she relinquished because she wasn’t ready to be a mom.” Guess what? SHE IS A MOM if she has that baby. No matter what. She gave birth. There is a child somewhere out in the world that she is related to.
A mother who dies in childbirth never loses her mother label even though she will never be around to raise the baby. We’re so eager to strip these women down to the bone, take away all their experiences and sell them to some other woman. That is wrong and you as a pro-choice woman should not be complicit in it.
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Are you and your wife going adopt?
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At this point no. But I would never say never.
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Once you determine the appropriate method for fundraising, please alert all of your followers. I most certainly will donate to this. In fact, (although I’m in Wisconsin) my family and I have several connections to video journalists, editors, etc. and we could be in assistance if you needed. This is a powerful message and one that should be relayed. I was so enamored with how my son’s birthmother just so naturally chose adoption because she truly felt abortion was not an option; no matter how far along she was. She always considered herself as keeping this child safe for his future parents. And she was so very young, but so very wise. I would like to see your message encourage that perspective for women in a similar situation as your birthmother.
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Addie,
We are fundraising through Kickstarter. The link is in the blog above. Would LOVE to connect and see what we could do to make this happen.
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How very The Handmaid’s Tale. Congratulations.
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