Their hair is their crown. Don’t neglect their crown. By age three children are very aware of physical differences. Don’t give others the opportunity to “other” them in any more ways. If you don’t know how to style their crown find someone who does. Humble yourself to go in to a Salon or barber shop where you are the minority. Teach them they are descendants of royalty and those of the royal family should have a wonderful crown.
What are they seeing with their eyes? Do they see others that look like them on a regular basis? Who do they see seated around your dinner table? What message are you sending them if no one else who ever enters your home looks like them?
How do they speak of themselves, their history and their DNA? If they say nothing is it because they don’t feel comfortable speaking about their different skin and hair and origin? Empower them to speak lovingly and powerfully about all that they are and can become. Put others in their lives who do the same so they can model themselves after them.
Are their shoulders bearing weight they should not be carrying? Give them the freedom to share their experience of life all the good and bad. Give them space to mourn the losses that come with adoption. Sit with them and comfort without speaking. Create a safe area to unload and just be.
Protect their hearts by preparing them for how the world will see them and respond to them. Impress upon them that it is the world that is broken and not them. If you pause hoping to preserve their innocence you risk wounding their heart.
Strengthen their legs and feet by showing them others who walk through this world as they do. Find mentors who know the challenges of life they will face; mentors who rise above those challenges and stand tall in who they are.
Transracial parenting is a purposeful life. Welcome to your purpose. It can be difficult and exhausting but the fruit of your labor is raising wonder, amazing, children of color.